A Little Perspective

I am currently 39 weeks pregnant.  I haven't been great about posting lately, but I feel like there are some thoughts I need to document before this little one makes his appearance.

 I am remembering once again why I consider the last month to be its own trimester.  I think that in general the last month gets uncomfortable and long for every pregnant woman, but this pregnancy's last month has felt especially long for me.  I started having Braxton Hicks contractions a month ago.  They have not been painful, but they happen frequently enough that it's making my body tired.  (I like to think of it as lifting a two pound weight with your bicep.  Two pounds isn't a lot of weight for a bicep, but if you did it for long enough, your bicep would eventually get tired.)  After the contractions started, other pre-labor symptoms began to follow, until all of the typical pre-labor symptoms had been checked off the check list and I was certain that labor and delivery were just around the corner.  I have had "practice labor" with past pregnancies, but never this far in advance of my due date.  According to my calendar, my due date is June 19th.  I had two different ultrasounds this pregnancy.  One at 16 weeks to determine the gender and one at 20 weeks.  The 16 week ultrasound gave me a due date of June 6th.  The 20 week ultrasound gave me a due date of June 9th.  My plan was to ignore the earlier due dates and stick with the June 19th due date and be pleasantly surprised if things happened earlier...and then when all of the signs of labor started coming, I started to think that maybe those earlier due dates were more accurate.  I was certainly feeling like I usually feel when labor is really close, but it turns out my body is just needing a lot of practice this time around.  I feel like my body can't really decide if we want to do this or not...standing on the edge of the diving board, ready to take the plunge, and then backing out until the courage (or the right time) comes to take the plunge.  I am getting better at ignoring practice labor symptoms and realizing that I really will know when it's the real thing.  I do trust that my body knows how to do this.  My baby is just waiting for the perfect birthday!  It is interesting to pause and take a look backwards.  If you would have told me a couple of weeks ago that I would still be pregnant today I would have cried.  I just KNEW I couldn't do it anymore.  I was exhausted physically and emotionally. And yet, here I am, still pregnant, and doing just fine.  We really are capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for, aren't we?  I have had to do a mental switch in order to make the last part of my pregnancy bearable for me and those around me.  I have been so clouded by this combination:  Lack of sleep + crazy end of pregnancy hormones= lack of perspective.  So today I will share my insights as I have tried to change my perspective.

- This talk came into my head yesterday.  Specifically this quote, "No misfortune is so bad that whining about it won’t make it worse."  I certainly don't consider pregnancy a misfortune.  It is a huge blessing.  But some aspects of pregnancy are not so fun and cause discomfort.  I have tried to be lighthearted about my complaining, but I know it's not fun to hear complaints in any form, so I'm trying to be more positive about those discomforts (or at least try harder to keep my mouth shut). I absolutely know that once this baby makes his arrival, this last month will seem like a distant memory.

-I tried to change my google searches to things that would give me the perspective I needed.  I googled "Patiently waiting for labor to start" and came across this article.  I really needed this quote: "The watchful waiting and the intense wanting of the big day to arrive are all part of nature's plan. When the baby, uterus, placenta, and hormones are ready, labor will start."  (I know that few things spark controversy like birth preferences.  Waiting for labor to start on its own feels right for me and there hasn't been any reason to induce me at this point.  I totally understand the need to induce and I know that for every woman there is a different view of labor and delivery based on health issues, past experiences, personality, etc.)

-I am so grateful that everything is going well.  My body is healthy.  My baby is healthy.  My blood pressure is normal, the baby's heart rate, movement, position and measurements are all great.  (I still have ankles, too!!!  That in and of itself is reason to celebrate!)  I have read blog posts over the past few days that have made me so grateful for how this pregnancy is going. I also read a blog about a family's journey to adoption.  Wow.  Talk about perspective; from both sides.  I read about a couple's heartache when they found out they weren't able to have biological children, and the subsequent joy that came through adoption. I tried to put myself in the position of a birth mother.  I can only imagine those emotions.  There is so much love and sacrifice involved in creating families, however they are formed. 

-I cannot wait to hold this little one.  My love for him is already full and complete.  It is crazy to think that I have a fully formed baby kicking and squirming around inside me and that before too long I will meet him in person.  It makes me giddy!

 Hopefully my next pregnancy related blog post will be announcing the arrival of our newest family member!