Sunday, December 12, 2010

Gingerbread Houses (and sugar cookies)

We invited John's and Don's family over to explore our culinary talents.  We began with a delicious meal provided by Darin (roast beef, potatoes, rolls and vegetables).  Then we brought out the gingerbread houses, the icing and the treats and let the kids get to it!  They decorated gingerbread houses while I made sugar cookies. 
(From left to right): John, Eva, Liv, Cai, Beck, Maddy, Don, Sean Briggy, David, Warren



David and Beck with their creations

Brig testing the frosting (I'm pretty sure the orange was all his after he double, then triple, then several times dipped)

Ross is a natural!  He had so many great designs.

David said, "I'm going to hold the cookie in front of my face."  and then he did.

Sean and his house

A work in progress...

The girlies



Sean and Grandma

Don, John, Darin (who is talking to Laura on the phone wishing her a belated birthday)

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Jodi's Birthday

I got a call from my cute niece Rylee the week before Jodi's birthday.  She and Kamryn were planning a surprise party to celebrate their mom's 40th birthday Over the Hill style.  The instructions were to wear black and come early.  We weren't able to be inside when the surprise part happened (Sean and I had Pack Meeting and we pulled up to our hidden parking place just as Jodi was going into my parents' house so we waited for a few minutes until the surprise part was over). 
Renae borrowed this awesome hat just for the occasion


The cupcakes. (her girls decorated them at a neighbor's house. They told their mom that the neighbor needed their help to address Christmas cards.  They pulled the whole surprise off perfectly!  No leaks.

Left to Right: Kamryn, Liv, Hunter, Rylee, Deanne, Brad playing Word on the Street

(Top)Kirsten, Jeff, Brad, Jodi, Eric, Mom, Dad, Rylee (Bottom) Lexi, Deanne, Kamryn, Liv, Coleman, Sean, David

Same group minus David and cheesy smiles

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

You Can Lead a Horse to Water But You Can't Make Him Pee In It...

and other life lessons I learned about potty training.

David wasn't potty trained until after he was four. We tried everything...sticker charts, rewards, punishments, bribes, threats, praise, etc. My other kids were potty trained around 2 1/2. This was not how it was supposed to work. The longer it went on, the more frustrating it became. I knew he knew how to go by himself and I was so sick of changing man poop diapers. He knew when he had to go and sometimes he would go on the toilet and sometimes he would request a diaper when it was time to do his business. Sometimes I put a diaper on him.  Sometimes I didn't. Sometimes when I didn't put him in a diaper I would be supportive and kind.  Other times I would be, well, not so supportive and kind.  The poor kid was so confused. I knew I needed to be consistent. When I took the diapers all the way away so that his safety net was gone he would hold it for astronomical amounts of time (I think his record was 15 hours. The kid didn't pee for 15 hours and then when his poor little body couldn't hold it in anymore he let loose on the computer chair). I started to worry about bladder infections. I also worried about his emotional health. I would get so frustrated and say some pretty awful things to him. Then I would feel guilty and try very hard to praise him when he succeeded.   Nothing was working.  My wake up call came when loving relationships began to suffer (including his relationship with me).   He was more sad and serious than he was before. I finally prayed and prayed to know what to do. I was frustrated and nothing I did was working. In fact, it was making it worse. In my mind came an experience with a boy I nannied (back when I was 19). He was four and was once potty trained and then he started to have accidents. His parents would have me sit in the bathroom with him forever while he sat on the toilet. I would read books to him, sing songs to him, etc. and he would say he didn't have to go. As soon as he got off the toilet he would hide under the kitchen table and poop his pants. When I remembered this experience I realized...this has nothing to do with what is coming out of their bodies. It's about what's going on inside their little heads.


I knew that if I could see inside David's head and know what his anxiety was about we would be diaper free in no time. But since I couldn't see inside his head, I was left to wait it out and let him work through whatever issues he had. I felt confident that it was the right option for him...regardless of what anyone else said (or thought). As much as it killed me to see my (over) four year old in diapers (and continue to have to change them), I knew that was my best option. I knew that he needed to feel my love and acceptance for him regardless of his potty training status. So the undies stayed in his drawer, he went back to diapers and I bit my tongue. When he pooped in his diaper, I simply said, "Let's go change your bum." And I would. Pleasantly. Even though inside I was thinking to myself, "I should NOT have to be changing a four year old's diaper!!!" He didn't hear me say it or even sense that I was feeling it. And then something happened. My happy, funny, carefree David was back. And before too long, he was completely potty trained. With no accidents. You would think that with all of my worry and anxiety about the situation that I would know the exact day that he was potty trained. Marked on the calendar with giant stars and happy faces. I don't know the date. I don't even know the month. It was a process. One that I had very little to do with. I didn't try to influence him at all. It was a very concious decision to keep my mouth shut when I was tempted to say anything negative (and I prayed for patience a LOT during this time).

Here is what I learned:

1) We have absolutely NO control over their bodily functions. It is the one area that is theirs to control (what goes in and what comes out). It became my philosophy that if we allow them that control willingly, they will figure it out sooner rather than later.  If we try to control their control, they still have it to use as they wish and we both end up feeling frustrated.

2) Relationships are the most important thing. The most devastating thing about my experience with David is how much time I wasted thinking of new ways to make it work and being frustrated with him. I was talking to a friend about this several months ago when I had reached my decision to just let him do it on his own time. She told me that she, too, had similar feelings when potty training one of her children. As she spoke to her in-laws about it, they said, "We felt the same way with Zachary. And then he drowned. And when he was gone, suddenly potty training didn't seem so important." It really hit home. Talk about perspective! People are more important than their poop.

3) Most four-year-olds are potty trained. If they aren't (or if they were and are no longer), there's a reason for it. They may not be able to verbalize it, but there's something going on. I don't have a degree. In anything. But I believe that with all my heart. David is my fourth child. You would think that I would be a potty training expert after having gone through it three times before. I wasn't (I'm still not). This really threw me and forced me to forget what I thought I knew. It could have been that he was mourning the loss of his spot as the baby. It could have been that he wasn't ready to grow up. Maybe he was scared that he would go down the toilet or that he was losing a little bit of himself with each flush. It could have been any number of things. It was not that he wanted to make my life miserable. Whatever it was, he figured it out.

4) Parents really are the best experts for their children.  My experience taught me that just because you've done something and it worked for one child it doesn't mean it will work for the next one.  I have five children with five very different personalities.  It is good to read and study about parenting, but at the end of the day, if you're doing something because you feel pressure to measure up to other moms or because you're comparing your child's progress with another child's progress or because an expert said to do it that way and it doesn't feel right for you or your child, don't do it.  Shut out the outside voices and follow your gut. Let them say you're wrong.  Maybe you will be.  But you'll learn and get closer to the answer.  As parents we know and love our children more than anyone else on earth.  We are the ones who are responsible for their happiness and well being and if something feels not quite right, it's probably not.  And if something does feel right, it probably is.

As it turned out, he really did want to pee in the water.  He just wanted to lead himself there.

Sweet Dreams

Tonight after the kids were tucked in bed David called to me.  He said, "Can you come lay by me?  I'm scared."  As I made my way to his bed I could hear Warren talking to him. 

He said, "David, If you're scared then you should say a prayer.  Last night I was scared because I was thinking of the giant in the Jack and the Beanstalk movie.  I prayed and prayed that I wouldn't have a nightmare about it and I had a really really good dream."

I asked him what his good dream was about and he said, "Like kindness and stuff."

And just like that, a 7 year-old's faith was strengthened and shared with his 4 year old brother.  We sang songs together and after they were settled I left to say my own little prayer of thanks.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Christmas Around the World

Liv has been clogging for a few years now and loves it!  A little while back we received an e-mail from her director that our studio had the opportunity to participate in B.Y.U's Christmas Around the world.  She was so excited!   Making it even more exciting was the fact that two of her best friends would be participating as well.  It was such a blessing to have two other sets of parents to ease the burden of carpooling to and from B.Y.U.  There were rehearsals, a matinee performance and two evening performances.  They even got to miss half a day of school to perform for some local elementary schools.  I agreed to chaperon one of the evening performances.  It was so fun to be in the room with a bunch of giddy girls before the performance and as we waited for them to go on.  There were up-dos and lipstick galore and enough glitter spray and hairspray to wipe out a layer of the ozone.  Seriously, I haven't seen (or inhaled) so much hairspray in one place ever.
Lily, Liv and Brooklyn



They had so much fun together!  The girls behind them are playing Ninja Destruction.  There were also hand slapping games, card games and giggles galore!

I followed them downstairs when it was time to perform.  Here they are waiting for their cue to go on (the other performers were so nice to them.  When they would come backstage, they would give all the girls high 5's):


And here are another few shots from backstage:



 

 The show I chaperoned for was the final show.  We decided to go to Wendy's to celebrate/mourn.  Here they are outside the Marriott Center.


 The giggles and chortles continued at Wendy's and brought back fond memories of being  a blissful tween.  I'm so grateful that my kids have such good friends and are able to have these fun experiences.  All of the girls said they wished Christmas Around the World was every day.  I assured them that it would get old after a while (they didn't believe me), and that because they can't do it every day they will appreciate the times they get to do cool (and grown up) stuff.

Thanks for the memories, Christmas Around the World!

Friday, December 3, 2010

A Benefit Concert and Memory Lane

My niece Michelle attends the same high school where I spent my high school years.  Each year the choir director (who was my favorite teacher ever) puts on a benefit concert to raise money for local foster children.  This year they did a variety type of show with musical numbers from individual members of the choir and a few numbers by the whole choir. Michelle signed up to do a musical number with a few of us in the family.  We didn't have sheet music for the song we wanted to sing.  We just had a copy of the song on CD so my mom listened to it a million times and wrote all of the parts for us.  It makes my brain hurt to even think about doing that.  I really really wish that perfect pitch and the ability to play the piano by ear were traits that were passed to me.  They were not. 


Michelle, Kelsey, Deanne , Rylee, Renae, Jodi (All THS alumni or current student....except Ry.  And WOW am I a shorty pants!)


Renae, Michelle, Mr. Larson, Kelsey, Deanne, Jodi



Below is a video of the performance.   Kelsey and Michelle sang 1st Soprano, Renae was 2nd Soprano, Rylee and Jodi were 1st Alto and I was 2nd Alto, or the man's part.  Rylee laughed at me every time we practiced.
Walking through the doors of my high school made the memories flood in!  Walking through the doors of my high school at Christmastime in the choir room made the memories flood in even more!  I walked in and could see my 16 year old self (in my mind's eye) singing "Sleigh Ride" across the room to the boy I was crushing on.  I could see myself wrapping gifts for the foster kids.  I also saw my 17 year old self running to the bathroom in tears a year later after the relationship with the same boy ended and I knew my heart was broken for sure and would never be the same. The tears happened while we were rehearsing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" and the line that set me off was "Through the years we all will be together if the fates allow."  (Is it really sad that I remember all of this?) (Happily I can report that my heart is not, indeed, broken and it is more full and happy than I ever could have imagined). 

As I walked into the auditorium (not in my mind's eye, but in real time now), I started to laugh.  I saw the spot where the Dress Swap of '95 took place.  It was an accidental incident, but one that still makes me laugh.  Here is the background information:

1) Most of my friends were in choir with me
2) We had had a sleepover after our previous performance, which was probably a month or so before the spring performance took place.  (Which means that we all had our choir dresses at the sleepover and we all went home with a choir dress after the sleepover had ended).

I got ready for the spring performance (which was on March 3, 1995--I only know this because I know it was the same day that President Howard W. Hunter died and I was able to look it up) and noticed that my dress was a little snug.  I remember thinking that I should probably lay off on the sweets.  (Incidentally, it is now my goal to be that "fat".)  Tiffany showed up and her dress was tight.  We were so confused.  If BOTH of our dresses were tight, then what in the world happened? (I was wondering if maybe Tiff and I just switched dresses, but her dress would have been too big for her, not too small if that were the case.)  We were discussing the possibilities when Natalie walked in.  Mystery solved.  I still remember vividly what her face looked like.  We all started CRACKING up.  Doubling over with laughter.  Her dress was ginormous on her!  It was falling off her and we were all pointing at each other because none of us could speak because of the fit of laughter we were in.  Here's what happened:  I took Tiff's dress, Tiff took Natalie's and Natt took mine.  I really need to find a photo of us in our choir dresses (although we never did take a photo of us in our wrong dresses).  Good times!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Time Out for Women

A few years ago a group of us tried to attend Time Out for Women in Las Vegas.  It was canceled because it was the same weekend of President Hinckley's funeral.  When we checked the schedule for this year, we decided to give it another try...this time in Salt Lake.  We had such a great time and it was the perfect amount of time to be away (one night).  Just enough time to recharge my battery and provide me with some much needed perspective without giving me time to miss my family too much. 

Christa, Deanne, Celeste, Jodi, April





29 is the new 26

A few months ago it was my neighbor's birthday.  Darin yelled over to her, "Happy Birthday, Amber!  29, right? (wink, wink)" (Every woman's dream is to stay 29 forever, right?)

Her reply?

"Actually I'm 26."

Thankfully she is gracious, kind and has a good sense of humor.  

If You Give a Mom a Project

I feel like I'm living the "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" book.  We started a project Saturday that pushed a domino down.  Ten hours, several projects, one small episode of crying (It's never going to end)  and one disheveled house later I called it quits for the day.  I hit the wall.  I wanted to retreat to a (comfy) cave with a good book.  Three days later, I think we're making progress.  I can almost see the end of the domino chain. We're trying our darnedest to create space in this house of ours.  It's amazing how trying to move one dresser into one room can create so many projects.  I'm really hoping that we can put the Christmas decorations up this weekend.  My heart is oozing with holiday cheer and my house does not match. 

Monday, November 22, 2010

Like Sands Through the Hourglass

I can't tell you the number of times I have heard from more seasoned mothers,

"Enjoy them while they're little. It goes so fast."

or

"I blinked and my kids were grown."

I think I believed them, but you can never know for yourself until you experience it. I don't think I realized how true it is until just recently. I have spent so many years changing diapers, breaking up fights, doing puzzles, watching cartoons, cleaning up messes, reading stories, etc. that it's hard to imagine a different stage of life. I had a huge dose of this reality about a month ago at our Primary Sacrament Meeting program. Olivia will be 12 in January. This was her last time participating and she looked a little out of place. She is quite tall in comparison to all the other kids. She's the only girl her age in our ward and is even taller than most of the boys. As Liv went to the pulpit to say her part, the woman behind me leaned forward and whispered, "What is she? Like 25?" And I thought, "Ya. Just about". When did it happen? I'm not sure. What I do know is that those women are right. It seems like once they hit elementary school age someone hits the fast forward button. I have been really sentimental lately. I have been trying to slow down and enjoy the little moments. I want to hang on to each little thing and remember this stage of my life because before I know it this chapter will be closed and as much as there are days in this stage of life that I wouldn't do over if you paid me, there are many more moments that I want to bottle up and savor when my house isn't full of little voices and the pitter patter of little feet. I know there are many moments that I haven't recorded. I hope that if I try hard enough I can remember the especially sweet ones and record them in the future. Here are the ones that are fresh in my mind today...

The other day we got home from a long way of errand running. We were all tired and Brig was ready for a nap. As I pulled his shoes and socks off to get him cozy he wiggled his feet and stretched his toes out wide and then he picked the lint from between his toes. I'm not sure why I loved it, but I did. It was adorable.

A week or so ago I was sitting on the floor (I think I had just finished changing Brig's diaper). David walked behind me, squeezed me around the neck and gave me the biggest kiss on the cheek (complete with the "MMMMAA" sound). Just because. It was so sweet. I have a feeling such displays of affection will not be so abundant in the coming years. But I hope with all my heart that they will be.

Just today we were watching an episode of Meerkat Manor on Netflix (have you seen this? It's a reality show about meerkats and I am absolutely fascinated by it. Does this make me crazy?) I was busy talking to David for a minute. Warren turned to me with the most concerned look on his face and he said, "Mom. They were looking everywhere for Carlos and he was nowhere to be found."

The other night after family prayers we were all on our bed. Warren pretended to fall off the bed and Briggy chortled so hard that he fell backward on the bed. He could hardly contain himself. Warren would get back up on the bed and Briggy would kick him lightly so Warren would fall off the bed again. Warren was making a huge production of the falling and before long all of the kids had a huge case of the giggles and bedtime was extended for several minutes. Laughter is contagious. (My oldest three boys have huge veins in their necks that pop out when they laugh really hard. It is hilarious. It is yet to be seen if Briggy is part of their club).

A long time ago (over a year ago) Liv was telling me about a friend's cousin. This little baby had three older half sisters. The baby was born with no sweat glands and no eyebrows or eyelashes. Liv was telling me about this baby and said, "They think that because the three older girls don't have it that it has something to do with the dad's pants". I said, "Do you mean genes?" She immediately started to laugh at her misinterpretation of the meaning of the word. (I'm sure she was so confused about why the dad's jeans mattered.)

Sean is very into origami lately. He watched a YouTube video about how to make a ninja star and it has awakened a beast in him! He is so good at it. He has made flapping birds, paper wallets, ultimate ninja stars, butterflies, paper knives, claws, cranes, boomerangs, etc. It is amazing to me that he can learn by watching and then remember how to do it. I see his creations all over the house.

The sweet moments make all the not quite as sweet moments well worth it.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Wipeout

As part of our "Make it Monday" series with cousins, Kirsten created our very own Wipeout obstacle course. These photos were taken after the official race (I was on jump rope twirling duty), but believe me, it was intense :)

Sean just chillin' after a hard race:
Kam and Lexi's shower:
Water balloon toss:
Rub a Dub Dub, Lots of kids in the tub:

I'm realizing that at most family functions I end up with a photo of these two:



and these two:

My sweet little bubble boy:
Thanks, Kirsten and Camille for a fun day!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Camping

I love the outdoors. I love spending time with people I love. I love sitting around a campfire. I love being technology-free. I love hiking. I love fresh air. I hate the sleeping. I don't sleep well when I camp because I worry too much about whether or not the kids are warm enough, creatures, etc. The kids love to camp, and we have made some great memories while camping, so that outweighs a sleepless night here and there. A few weeks ago, my sister-in-law Laura planned a great camping trip close to home. It was so fun!

A panoramic view of the campsite:

Friday night was filled with practicing somersaults,
keeping a soccer ball in the air,
playing frisbee,
cuddling with grandmas (can you believe these two are grandmas?)
visiting,

playing Duck Duck Goose,
playing cards,
singing "Happy Birthday" to my boys (Sean's was Friday, Warren's was Saturday)
eating s'mores,
singing by the campfire (accompanied by Mark on guitar),
and hearing childhood stories from Grandpa. A few favorites included: Grandpa being attacked by a baboon, his provincial boxing championship (step aside, Rocky), his pranks while working at the pharmacy, his (brief) attempt at a mo-hawk, his life changing moment that decided his career, and many others. It was so great to hear these stories and reminded me again how important it is to share our history with our loved ones.

After a super restful sleep (or not so much), Saturday morning brought:

breakfast,

awesome bedheads,
fun on the zip line,
enjoying mountain air,
canoeing,

interacting with the wildlife,
splashing in the water,
cuddling with cousins,
posing Napoleon Dynamite style,
and lunch. We went home exhausted, covered in dirt and happy. I will leave you with my very favorite photo of the trip. I think this one will be framed:
(have I told you how much I love his eyebrows? Well, I do. A lot.)